Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in lndbrgbaby's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009
1:20 pm	what would it have cost if i had died? to find out that your escape will not take place for two plus years i can hardly fucking stand it (Comment on this)
Monday, March 2nd, 2009
9:41 am	what a mess i feel like i'm caught in a storm. there's no one who's right, and a million wrongs. and i can't be happy? please show me the way to keep me safe and warm (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 20th, 2008
3:39 pm	word to the fools if you are having problems of any sort, and listen to basically any r&b on the radio, expect for your life to be seemingly mirrored in the songs you hear. it will speak in a voice coming straight from your bones, making you feel supported or else like a mad black woman. i read an article describing why people like sad songs. 'if you're standing on a ledge, it makes it feel like someone else is there with you'. in this case, that other person is shaking it off and burning their exes shit up. (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 24th, 2008
10:36 am	i hate people in their 20's - they're so conflicted. something my best friend said one time, to which my roommate commented that it was probably the most conflicted thing a person in their 20's could say. anyway, i'm having a hard time balancing my head and heart. i don't know which side should win. i'd like to be calmer about things, but sometimes it feels so urgent. i just hope with time things will get clearer. in the meantime, i'm trying to occupy myself. "when she was by herself, I wonder if she knew who she really was" (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 10th, 2008
10:52 am	and this is only the first day having run a couple of red lights, gone the wrong way down a one-way street, and broke the speed limit several times, i'm thinking there was a good reason my license was suspended. might want to watch it. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 15th, 2008
10:49 am	love when i have a problem, especially w/ a guy, it obsesses me. and this one is bringing me a lot of grief with lasting effects. i want it to go away. i feel fated to seek something my whole life that either doesn't exist or that i will never find. i wrote a poem about mismatched people and these intense needs that go unfulfilled. it makes me so sad to think that i might never get the kind of love that i dream about. compromising and settling, and being passive and agreeable. not trusting and being scared. ruining things w/ my worries and my insecurities. i'm scared i will never be happy. i'm going to keep dreaming that there is someone out there who can give me everything i wish for. i'm going to hold on to this naive belief and probably take it to my grave, alone. i'm going to wait for something that i can only hope will someday come. Current Mood: melodramatic Current Music: world's tiniest violin (Comment on this)
Monday, November 5th, 2007
4:39 pm	inappropriate this girl across the hall from me at work was telling another lady about how she wanted to go to this r.kelly concert but the tickets were $140 and higher. I really wanted to say, "at those prices, r. kelly better piss on me himself." unfortunately this joke that makes no sense was not said b/c -- was at work -- shows i was eavesdropping -- seems to reflect a secret pee fetish (Comment on this)
Monday, July 23rd, 2007
3:55 pm	a dog's life i got a dog named fable about two weeks ago. she's the best. i was going to try to put a picture up here, but i couldn't. as i write this loving account, she is at home probably tearing something up. p.s. she's a dyke (for life). Current Music: indigo girls, for her (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 22nd, 2007
3:43 pm	dryer so i got a washer and dryer...paid alot for them. they were delivered today. one of the guys who put them in, while going to a breaker box in one of the bedrooms saw a porn magazine that said "i please and tease while on my knees" and "i can't suck your balls till you make the call". very embarassing. but that's not what this entry is about. there's two outlets. the one they hooked the dryer up to doesn't work. the other one the dryer vent hood whatever is not screwed in. and that's not their responsibility. so i called the landlord. apparently it's not their responsibility either. i bitchily told them that i would try to do it, but it probably wouldn't look good or work. basically trying to tell them, i'm going to fuck up your house. so i'm pissed off b/c i don't really know how to do what they're telling me to do. and i don't have any handyman type friends. it's making me really upset, which is stupid. i feel really alone down here. Current Music: music to kill your landlord to, in e minor (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 24th, 2007
12:43 pm	crazy like a fox so i am becoming increasingly anti-social. i either go to lunch early or late at work so i can eat by myself. part of it is the food i brought- a human head with a side of goat's blood. no it's fish and brussel sprouts and cottage cheese (not together), which i feel is embarassing somehow or will at least induce comments. like "oh did you make that?" bla bla...i don't want to talk to you. they're all pretty nice, but i'm not close w/ any of my coworkers. work is ...... i'll have to write about it later. add paranoid to anti-social. (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 31st, 2007
5:30 pm	so lonesome i could cry (Comment on this)
Friday, December 1st, 2006
12:47 am	emphyesema (sp?) god, not being able to catch your breath is up there is the top panicky feelings. i keep trying, but don't want to be too loud/sighy about it. realizing the extent of my addictive personality. i wanted a drink so bad after having had a few that it occupied my mind on end and irritated me that someone (my mom) was in the kitchen and i couldn't sneak a drink (vodka and cranberry). i left to go buy a couple of beers from the gas station. and the beat goes on. going house shopping tomorrow. what i want is old and probably in a bad area. which makes it more appealing. life on the wild side. life on the side where your radio gets stolen. i've been thinking for a while for how to break up w/ this guy. who's simple and redneck and harmless. i've not dumped anyone (initially, really). and i hate making enemies; i don't want that out there. i guess i also don't want someone i have to talk to 3x a day @ endless minutieu out there. watching "the graduate" and i want hair like anne bancroft's. entering adulthood is scary, exciting and filled w/ dread and hope. can anyone relate? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 17th, 2006
6:25 pm	brother you are fucked everything is reaching a head with this internship. things are due, fees and forms and transcripts and work. and everything is up to this lady who hates me (so i may have to do another internship). i will get everything done late and the boss who is expecting me to start asap will not like this. it's enough to make me want to go watch tv or read aka not do shit. Current Mood: recumbent Current Music: is that a type of recliner? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
8:58 pm	what? me worry? so before i move, it's time for the nostalgia and the fears of change. i have no bills now, except gas (and i'm reimbursed for that). i have a beautiful drive to/from work everyday where i listen to steve harvey (hilarious). i have a redneck boyfriend, who is superattentive and refreshingly simple/basic. i am an intern, so i can fuck up - i can't get fired. however, i live in the middle of nowhere. everybody's gotta grow up sometime. god, i hope i like mobile. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 17th, 2006
8:38 pm	you know who touch what i never touched before, seen what i've never seen before...woke up and seen the sun, sky high sky high..... that's in my head. so i'm trying to get stuff in/done for my internship. i will live at my parents in the meantime (while the paperwork processes) and they will think i'm a slacker, b/c i am. a gripping and compelling life. i'm just glad to be getting out of florida. i have to get liability insurance in case i kill one of my blind clients. No Pressure (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
8:53 pm	i'm stuck my mantra when i'm depressed and not wanting to get out is "nothing makes anything better" you may think there are techniques for unknotting your stomach and calming the fuck down but they don't last nearly long enough tonite i need to write part of my finals paper on preverbal skills in blind children. i can't muster up the enthusiasm. i was just thinking about how i listened to this joni mitchell tape over and over in high school w/ a song that says "tonight you're mine, completely" and her voice trails off spacily. random thoughts, no concentration - mind obviously not fit to be writing paper. that's my excuse and i'm sticking to it. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
2:47 pm	it's funny how one thing is replaced by another. like not having things figured out to being unsure that what i did figure out is for me. or caring too much to not caring at all. starving to not wanting to gain weight. no money to cash and spending it frivolously, stupidly. from bitching about one thing to bitching about another. some things never change. about to dissect a cow's eyeball. good thing i ate some mysterious beef product (hickory farms) i got for christmas for lunch. (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
10:39 am	i am super bored. i was going to put some pictures in here, but i can't figure it out. i am like an old person when it comes to technology. i feel like i'm killing time and not living. but i don't know what i want to be doing. (Comment on this)
10:26 am	hope that worked TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey Name: caitlin Birthday: sept. 12, 1981 Birthplace: tuscaloosa Current Location: montgomery Eye Color: blue Hair Color: dirty blond Height: 5'7 i think Right Handed or Left Handed: right Your Heritage: irish and german The Shoes You Wore Today: didn't wear any Your Weakness: drinking Your Fears: being an old maid Your Perfect Pizza: mushrooms Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: get a job Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: don't do that Thoughts First Waking Up: what happened last nite, who called me Your Best Physical Feature: hair or eyes Your Bedtime: 1? Your Most Missed Memory: my first date Pepsi or Coke: coke MacDonalds or Burger King: mcd's Single or Group Dates: single? Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: lipton Chocolate or Vanilla: both Cappuccino or Coffee: cold cappuccino? Do you Smoke: yup Do you Swear: hell yeah Do you Sing: sometimes Do you Shower Daily: nope Have you Been in Love: yes Do you want to go to College: in college Do you want to get Married: no, not unless i change my mind Do you belive in yourself: sometimes Do you get Motion Sickness: no Do you think you are Attractive: not woof woof Are you a Health Freak: no Do you get along with your Parents: yeah Do you like Thunderstorms: yes Do you play an Instrument: no In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: tons In the past month have you Smoked: yes In the past month have you been on Drugs: yes In the past month have you gone on a Date: yes In the past month have you gone to a Mall: yes In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: no In the past month have you eaten Sushi: yes In the past month have you been on Stage: don't think so In the past month have you been Dumped: no In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: no i wish In the past month have you Stolen Anything: yeah Ever been Drunk: yup Ever been called a Tease: once or twice Ever been Beaten up: not really Ever Shoplifted: yeah How do you want to Die: quickly What do you want to be when you Grow Up: indian chief What country would you most like to Visit: morrocco In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: blue Favourite Hair Color: brown Short or Long Hair: short-medium Height: taller than me Weight: kinda muscular Best Clothing Style: normal, not too preppy Number of Drugs I have taken: who knows Number of CDs I own: does anyone know this? Number of Piercings: 1 Number of Tattoos: 0 Number of things in my Past I Regret: regret regret CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! (Comment on this)
Friday, December 16th, 2005
2:51 pm	seize the fish i'm doing my best to have a good day today...i found out i made an A- in braille, a class i had an incomplete in for a year and a half and which proved to be the bane of my existence for that period of time. so today i'm running around getting paperwork, signatures bla bla in so i can get back in grad school. bureacracy is a pain in the ass. so is the headband i'm wearing, which is giving me a headache but i don't want to take it off b/c it's cute and i just stole it from ny and company. so my "boyfriend" is annoying and predictable. he is always so negative. i am too but this trait is annoying in others. he is very selfish, as am i, but i at least pretend not to be. i told him last nite that i'm only here for maybe 8 more months and i want to just get along and have a good time. if i broke up with him, i'd get over it faster, but i'd also be lonely and very sad for awhile. i think i need a job. i want to get my sister "coming to america" for x-mas but it's b/c it's something i would want. is that how all gift-giving works? Current Mood: hungry (Comment on this)